| chuc mung nam moi |
[01.06.06 @ 08:35pm] |
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mood |
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 crushed |
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So...since no one will read this most likely i feel comfortable sharing my innermost secrets with this fabulous online journaling system. I hear nowadays all the young cats are on Myspace well good luck to you. God our generation is screwed, well at least the our first world generation is screwed. When we lost work ethics and replaced with online chat systems and journals was when we through away any chane of success in the future and outsourcing was at an all time high. I recently came back form Vietnam and reached the realization of just how selfish and spoiled i have become and realize my self centered out look on the world. From our first world privileges of education, and pets for god sakes. Children in Vietnam have three tests that decide whether or not they are to become the peasant of the street or the next business CEO. Starting with a test from 5th to 6th grade if failed they are kicked out of the school system so many spend night and day studying at the prime age of 8. I feel inferior and stupid in the presence of my cousin (who are the same age as me) there advancement in math, languages and science are far beyond us because they have been pushed to work the best in order just to stay in school. And here i am in my wonderful sheltered comfortable life complaining about going to school when many children are out on the streets looking for fucking dinner. The world is out of our hands, we niether look past our yards yet alone at the world, or media is limiting us to a life of ignorant self lessness. Depressing isn't it? I spent the trip visiting family and distributing money and supplies to orphanages and i realized this couple hundred dollars well these abandoned children for food maybe a year or so but what after? Even if they had enough food what is there to live for? What hope lies in these children? And we retrace it back to ourselves sitting on our fat asses in front of a tv or computer and realize its not just the faces of innocent children who don't deserve the life they have its about us utilizing the privileges we were given because inevitably they deserve what i have but they weren't born to the privilege i was and so what can i do? Moping about how selfish I am is of insignificant, i am insignificant but i won't waste the handed opportunities to me.
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| the thought of... |
[06.12.05 @ 02:54pm] |
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mood |
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uncomfortable |
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The weekend is coming to an end and i still have done nothing...Well nothing is a bit of an overstatement.Can there be more to life for a person like me besides watching television nonstop continuously? I think not but anyways on another note i've become addicted to ebay meaning i have quite a few bids going and one of the items i wish to purchase is about to close. Damn the internet! I really think i must no longer criticize for who am i but a sad, pathetic, ignorant, boring, foolish, skinny, good for nothing female that needs a life. I think the most pathetic part of my situation is the realization of it and the lack of devotion to improve something that is wholly in my power. Damn you! correction Damn me! The ironic part of my nature is that i believe in the contradiction of something else i feel. For example I am a rather cynical, sardonic person yet at the same time I am mesmerized in romanticism. I find myself seeing the worst in literary relationship and love in general which is the idea of lust ruling judgment, etc...(to long to get into) yet at the same time I long for the jane austen ending in novels that i read. And as i can go on and on over many examples thats boring so....What lovely weather the great forces of nature has bestowed on us. Last night there was a dreadful, continuous rainfall and now a magnificent day!
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| what i did last week.... |
[06.05.05 @ 03:51pm] |
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SO last weekend i saw Star Wars revenge of the sith episode three and it was kick ass. On tuesday i did nothing interesting other then go to school. On wednesday I saw sisterhood of the traveling pants which was better then i thought it was going to be. On thursday i skipped school because i'm a bad ass. On friday i went to school and had a very boring day. On saturday hanah spent the night friday night and saturday and we went swimming and extreme bike riding. have a nice weekend!
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| boradom is dry.... |
[05.27.05 @ 04:36pm] |
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mood |
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bored |
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I'm so... board and hungry and bitchy and i feel like complaining thus the beginning of this journal entry. I'm at the old house so there nothing to eat...nothing to do but sit in front of the computer and type this lame entry. How boring can i get! Honestly i need a life. I need something to do... School sucks, i'm home by my self most of the time that sucks, my foots falling asleep and its starting to tingle. Television sucks, there's never anything on so i don't watch that much, i have no book currently that i can get into for some reason. Its a beautiful friday afternoon, I wonder what everybody else is doing besides having fun... Ok that's enough mopping for one day I would say so all change this entry into a wonderful, nice, pleasant tone. Just lost all inspiration to write.... Have a nice weekend!
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| break through concept |
[05.14.05 @ 11:25pm] |
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mood |
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 creative |
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Props for amy... she has set up an account at a supperdupper awesome bookstore were i have a pretty good amount of credit. Another accomplishment Amy has finished Gone with the Wind in a record of three days! Yes! Any way i have developed the similarities between the Gone with the Wind and Closer. Difference being the form of Scarlett O'Hara is molded into Dan and Alice (Jane) is a mimic of Rhett Butler, and of course Ashley Wilkes in Gone with the wind is Anna but of course don't get me wrong there are different concepts. But if you think of the ending and the cynical views of love how we are bought with passion and lust, story plots are unconnected. Any ways...I am half way into the sequel Scarlett but so far i'm disappointed with the difference of other. She i believe a Alexandra Ripley simplified and uncomplicated the beauty of Margaret Mitchell's main characters. She made the ultra complex, mysterious Rhett Butler into a sad empty man and as to not end the story Ripley found it necessary to have a Jane Austen ending and evolved the character Scarlett to have grown up in the eyes of Rhett.(I skipped and read the ending of Scarlett because i'm a fool).
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| 35mm |
[05.01.05 @ 02:22pm] |
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mood |
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 angry |
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So... much has happened these past weeks. I will start with the most recent then progress as far as i can remember. We just got the house keys to our new house so we have already started moving but unfortunately we haven't sold our house which sucks ass. I have a photography show coming up on Thursday May 5th in the SAM lobby (not quite an actual exhibit but still at the SAM). Oh yeah and one very life changing thing happened to me on April 28th, 2005 look closely folks because that is the exact date of when amy officially entered the transitional state into womanhood. No longer am i transforming mentally but also physically. And think not that most young ladies aren't as open as i am but I am very proud and wishy not to withstand my joy. Anyways... I drooped out of vietnamese school and now and am officially a disgrace in my grandmothers eyes. My zine is now hot of the press and all that is left to do is distribute (magazine and photography show intertwine). I am also proud to announce I have another photography exhibit up at the Henry art gallery so go see it! but more importantly come to the one at the SAM since i felt i worked harder on that then any other previous project. Yesterday I went on a nature excursion with a holga camera class i am taking and discovered that apparently i should be planning for college now. Since i am to be graduating high school in two years i am to be preparing now. So as soon as i got home i immediately started researching and even made a nifty chart to help distinguish what i want out of life. So.. I decided I am going to aim for the impossible either Oxford or Cambridge and if i can't get a scholarship to either i will aim for Berkeley or Yale (i am aware this is over ambitious but aren't we all suppose to have impossible hopes). To continue with the story i got the email addresses of some alumni and admissions directors at Oxford and spent a long time writing an email to each one. And to my surprise when i woke up this mourning one already emailed back but not with much help. The man simply gave a url to a different web page that i already read and closed his one sentence email with Good Luck!. So now i feel helpless and will eventually end up going to some lame university. I'm angry all the odds are against me because Oxford and Cambridge rarely offer scholarships to students in the U.S. so that means i probably have to compete with all whole bunch of people better and more educated then myself. The worst part is that I just can't go there and do an in person interview to set myself apart because i can't afford a plane ticket, so all i'll be judged on is whats on paper which i have to say i don't look impressive at all.... But enough complaining i have good news i'm painting my room at the new house... well enough typing for today...
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| zebras are majestic animals... |
[04.12.05 @ 04:20am] |
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mood |
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dirty |
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I am currently at tory's house and it has just come to my attention how majestic zebras are.... they have pretty elegent stripes and lovely feet.
no more for now...
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| the plans for tonight... |
[03.18.05 @ 03:49pm] |
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mood |
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 chipper |
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so... tonight i get to spend a jam pact evening of fun with my super cool cousin. Yay for me you must all be so jealous. I can't wait an evening of awkward silence is my favorite way to spend a friday night. The evening will consist of the following: rent movies, followed by myself sitting on the far chair and my cousin on the opposite sofa, no conversation besides the usual hows school and hows your mom, the end. It sounds so much fun! All i can think about is how exciting it will be some grade a bounding going on. Might i just add i haven't actually talked to my cousin since we were little and friends but now he has grown up and is in some gang related issues thus the reason why he is spending the evening with me. My aunts and uncles think it best for him to learn be around 'good' examples (such as myself) and so i am stuck with the daunting task of communicating with a sack of potatoes. Ok so maybe he's not that dull he's actually relatively smart him and his idiotic friends were able to pull of stealing about twenty dvds from Walmart with a spectacular plan. Anyways i know your all jealous of my super awesome luck and all so i will leave you to sulk!
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in_suspense's journal